Adventures of a Non-Gamer: Team Fortress 2
by Shawnie Kelly (@DearShawnie)
For this installment of Adventures, I interviewed a very intriguing subject: a Team Fortress 2 enthusiast. I decided to get back to my gaming roots (and by “roots” I mean Golden Eye). I wanted to play another shooter, but also needed to try something a little different. I was so scared of “live gaming” that I needed to ease into it, and what better way than to bother someone with a million and one questions. Full disclosure, the only TF2 enthusiast I know is my little brother who agreed to be my subject. He is the one who created this non-gaming monster at the beginning of my journey, so it’s only natural that he still has to deal with me.
I have noticed that you “rage quit” very often in this game, explain to me what emotions constitute a rage quit.
“You just die so many times over and over and in such a short amount of time. Sometimes fury overtakes your body.”
Do you think it’s necessary or effective to yell RAGE QUIT every time?
No. It’s not necessary or effective.
Considering the rate at which I die in less intense gaming situations, do you think there is a chance that I will even be able to function in a TF2 scenario?
“It depends on what map and class you’re playing. If you’re playing as sniper or as engineer where you stay mostly to the back, you may stand a better chance.”
I don’t understand what any of that means. But okay. Do you ever see the same people in different games?
“Well, when you play on the same server for a long enough time you’ll run into the same people.”
So if I embarrass myself I can never show up again. Great. So since this is a PC game, how do I control movement?
“That’s easy: WASD”
“W.A.S.D. is your basic movement. W is up, A is left, S is down, D is right. Space bar is jump. The mouse is used to twist and turn, and the left and right mouse buttons are your triggers.”
I ALREADY HATE THIS MORE THAN ANYTING. Let’s do it.
After the brief Q&A, I decided to be brave. First of all, I learned about Spies pretty quickly. I don’t like any game in which another player can be invisible and then “instakill” you with a knife to the back. I thought instakill was a cute Instagram gaming app or something. BUT IT’S NOT. Spies can also pretend to be someone on your team. I don’t understand how gamers stand for this injustice! I almost called a town hall meeting to vote on this terrible aspect of TF2, but I don’t think people would take it very seriously with my lack of gaming cred. One thing I did actually find enjoyable was that I was playing on a capture the flag server: Tribune. I love capture the flag! I used to play it with my friends as a kid on this old abandoned farm. It was creepy and perfect. Unfortunately that did not prepare me for TF2 capture the flag as my childhood friends and I did not have rocket launchers or guns or archery equipment. We did, however, have a pretty awesome laser tag set.
I think this is one of those games that people spend hours and hours of their life on, and I will probably never have what it takes to commit to that. In the meantime, maybe I will spawn into a game every once in a while. By the way, gamers… can we come up with another term other than “spawn”? It’s so scary!
In my future TF2 shenanigans, I may even work up the nerve to look at the little chat feature in the bottom left hand corner of the screen. I don’t understand how people have time to chat in this vicious vortex of death, but I’m told they like to talk about your mom and stuff. Sounds fun! I love my mom!
Happy gaming, you gamers!