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Scarlett Johanssen's Cellulite Gives Me Hope

Posted by Angelle, 19 March 2012 · 276 views

Hey Nerds and Nerdettes!

I'm going to be out of town for a while for work so I thought I would update you on the status of my life because I tend to think that everyone is interested in the awkward situations I find myself in on a regular basis.

-My nieces have entered "naked phase". They do not want to wear clothes. EVER. Evalyn actively throws a fit when you attempt to put clothes one her. Summer decided to do what Jennifer Love Hewitt has termed "vagazzling" with a bunch of Dora the Explorer stickers. Yesterday I walked in their playroom, walked out, went to my sister and said, "They're naked and slapping each other." They have officially turned into a pint size version of Jersey Shore.

-Yes I am caught up on The Walking Dead. For those few who follow me on Twitter (it's angelle_renee for those who like fun and the occasional f-word), I was a bit peeved that Mr. Zachary "pooface" Levi gave away a plot point. I will not spoil it for anyone, but it's such a great show and if someone said I could never watch that or Game of Thrones ever again, I would be very sad. I'm still healing from my Lost...um...loss.  

-All of my friends are headed to the gym and on diets to prepare for summer, while I'm actively looking to start a service that delivers french fries and chocolate chip cookies to my door. No more having to talk to an actual person at the grocery. No, sir. Just bring them to the door please. My work has given us free memberships to a local gym which everyone I'm friends with is all jazzed about because the gym has a pool. Public pools are gross and I would rather just have a child pee in my lap then spend an hour swimming around in it. It would be faster. I asked if it was a nice place and my friend Angela said, "It's great, a limited amount of machines, but really nice." I said, "Oh yeah, this body requires many machines to keep it going and looking so hot. Is there by any chance a machine that dispenses cookies after a workout? Cause this would be a great incentive." I would rather be 400lbs and have to be fork-lifted out of my house then go to this gym if there is no cookie dispensing machine.

-My dogs and I are on the same poop schedule and it's freaking me out, but incredibly convenient.

-This whole "business travel" thing is very foreign to me as I have spent a good amount of time in jobs where I had to intricately plan any sort of time off even if it was to have a day to do laundry or to just, I don't know, have severe strep throat and a fever. I'm going to Cali and Alaska to work on projects for my company and even though I'm super excited, my flying anxiety has kicked in a little. I have often told people that if I had a choice between being in a plane crash or sold on the black market, I would be sold to a shah in east neverland and LIKE IT. It would be a cultural experience.

-I need to see John Carter. Read that as "I'm sure Andrew Stanton did great work on this film, but I'm also sure Taylor Kitsch has done some too. Shirtless. With rippling man muscles." Henry Cavill better watch his back.

So have a great April :) I will be enjoying the Cali sun and then the wilds of Alaska. I'm sure i will come back with many stories. If I do not return, assume that I have found new digs somewhere opulent and exotic where I have to wear way too much eyeliner.

Have I told you lately that I love you? :) Haha!

Can't wait to hear all about your time in Cali & Alaska! Have fun and be safe!

xo Lisa
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